CAREN HALVORSEN
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Artgurl Articles

Because... When arts fail, I gotta use my words.

Going Postal

5/20/2020

11 Comments

 
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At first I found it entertaining ––the solicitations that my recently deceased father-in-law. received. Last November, after he passed, we forwarded Roger's mail in order to pay his  bills and settle his estate. Since then, we’ve been barraged with the postal equivalent of late-night television-advo-mercials–you know the ones–– cures for erectile disfunction, hair-loss, and weight gain,  images of battered puppies and disabled kittens with Sara McMcLachlan soundtrack,  Peter Popoff's "Miracle Water".

How do I say this? Roger had his causes  and he wished to be well thought of. I say this with only a trace of judgement. My grandmother was the same. Her five  and ten  dollar donations, written at the end of each month from the  reservoir of her modest household account, allowed her to feel “philanthropic”. Yet,  with each stroke of her pen  the  hydra's head bisected and two new charities cropped up, pleading for aid. Not to be deterred, Grandmother sent  additional checks, in incrementally  diminished amounts.

Often times, non-profits  send "gifts". In my grandmother’s day, those gifts were mailing labels   but today this unsolicited bounty has exploded. When Roger was  alive   he garnered  laundry-loads of patriotic t-shirts from multiple veterans groups, a drawer-full of personalized notepads from  law-enforcement organizations, a cluster of refrigerator magnets from Boys Clubs of America, stacks of overly-sentimental  all-occasion note cards from Easter Seals, and my favorite,  two pairs of blue and yellow butterfly-flower ankle socks, courtesy of the Children's Hospital of Los Angeles.

Can you imagine a ninety-four year old man wearing these? 

It  begs a fund-amental question; what comes first? The check-N-the mail or the egg?
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Seven months ago, Roger left us yet his mail continues on. After his contributions stopped, most of his non-profits "got it"––but not the Republican party!  Just in the last  week, Roger has received solicitations from: Melania Trump, Mike Pence, Newt Gingrich, Senator Todd Young of the National Republican Senatorial Committee, The Howard Jarvis Taxpayers Association, The Remembrance Project, The Heritage Foundation, and Judicial Watch. There've been  a slurry of surveys as well. Just today we received  the 2020 National Illegal Alien Election Impact Survey, the Fair Oaks Tax Increase Impact Survey Registration, the Sacramento County Republican Party Area Assessment,  and the 2020 Republican Voter Confirmation Card,  In all these correspondences  two themes are consistent, politically charged rhetoric and  monetary requests . 

Ah, the opportunities that Sheltering At Home supply! I considered filling out Roger's surveys, just to mess with their statistics, but his signature is required and, even though I'm  a "leftist-liberal", I do know right from wrong. Still, it seemed a shame to let those tax-payer-funded prepaid-return envelopes go to waste. So,  I've been  using them to send  these:

To Whom It May Concern:

This is to notify you that Roger Halvorsen is deceased. 

As  Mr. Halvorsen has no further need of your  well-intentioned gifts (including but not limited to: mailing labels, t-shirts, greeting cards, calendars, note cards, refrigerator magnets, certificates, and shopping bags)  his estate requests that you remove him from your mailing lists and,  please, discontinue this barrage of  bounty. 


If your solicitations are political,  keep them coming. Requests on behalf of Donald Trump and those who promote his agenda will be shredded. No thank you for squandering  tax-payers' dollars. See you in November!
​
​

I think my project is working. Here's what came today.
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11 Comments
Anita Cook link
5/23/2020 08:24:20 am

Caren,
I am laughing so hard I can hardly breathe!
I have the same issue with my deceased mom's mail, but thank god she is a democrat!
You're the best. XXOO

Reply
Sandy Delehanty link
5/23/2020 02:45:39 pm

OMG! I am glad my parents gave by volunteering and not sending money, Mom read to kids at the local library and Dad was a museum docent. They did not like “sending money outside their little town”. “You never know it might be a con artist”. Mom would often say as she tossed the solicitations in the trash. Dad preferred to play games with the telephone solicitors, he would say just a minute I will go get my checkbook and then leave them on hold forever. If they called back he would blow his police whistle into the phone and laugh his head off. He swore it was not being mean because he was “teaching them that Senior’s aren’t stupid”.

Reply
Sterling
5/23/2020 10:26:11 am

I got socks from Unicef and a whole lot of Christmas cards and ornaments from Native Americans along with many other stickers, labels etc. I'm not dead yet, but sometimes I feel like these are going to kill me. I do, however, remember my all time favorite from some group-a glow-in-the-dark turquoise plastic rosary. That I enjoyed for many years. Stay safe.

Reply
Annie
5/23/2020 11:50:54 am

Mike’s brother died 15 yeas ago, and we still get both mail an phone solicitations. My favorite are the phone calls. As soon as they ask for him, I bluntly reply, “Kevin is dead.” Some pause to catch their breath, most don’t even skip a beat moving straight in to their solicitation. The ‘local law enforcements’ organizations are the worst.

Reply
Alice
5/23/2020 11:56:23 am

Thanks, Caren. Now I know what to look forward to after my Dad goes. He's still with us. Just got off the phone with him.

##

Dad: I think the Coroniana thing is 85% BULLSHIT
Me: Yeah, Dad, I know you think that.

Dad: You know your sister and Eric THINK then had it.
Me: Well, Dad they were tested and the DID HAVE it.

Dad: Your brother and Rhonda were here for dinner. You know she's a scientist and insisted in wearing a mask and sitting 6 feet away from us.
Me: It's nice that you were able to visit with them.

Dad: I have to empty the dishwasher.
Me: Do you mean now, like you need to hangup?
Dad: Yes.

##
Guess it was something I said.

Reply
Sheila L Finch link
5/23/2020 01:01:42 pm

I LOVE your "form" letter to all these charities and political organizations! This was a fun read!

Reply
Christine Holmstrom
5/23/2020 08:39:53 pm

Amusing. I needed a laugh. Thanks.

Reply
Randy Stabler
5/24/2020 04:48:46 pm

I have nothing pithy to say. I will say, however, that I am extremely proud of my sister for being a loving and caring soul.

Reply
Nej
5/25/2020 09:50:50 pm

Your creativity and sense of irony and humor truly know no bounds. May you continue to tickle all funny bones whose owners are fortunate enough to cross paths with you, dear Artgurl.

Reply
Shelley McConnell
6/3/2020 04:11:04 pm

While I'm very sorry your father in law passed away, I'm not at all sorry that the Rethuglican party lost a voter and donor. And I say that with love as a former republican.

Reply
Big Booty Girl Nevada link
11/22/2022 08:30:38 am

Great blogg you have here

Reply



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The content provided by www.artgurl.com unless otherwise noted, is copyrighted © 2016 Caren Halvorsen. All use of www.artgurl.com website is subject to the terms and conditions set forth below.All materials contained on www.artgurl.com, including all text and images, are copyrighted and are protected worldwide by applicable copyright laws and treaty provisions.
  • home
  • galleries
    • jewelry >
      • what's new ?
      • made for you
    • painting >
      • abstracts
      • landscapes
      • portraits
    • sculpture >
      • ceramic sculpture
      • glass and ceramic >
        • fused glass
        • swimming with the fishes
        • mosaics
        • pet projects
    • illustrations >
      • The cat and fairy tale
      • the tale of the time dragon's treasure
      • time for change
      • warmth of snow
      • no trump cards
  • blog
  • store
  • about
  • contact