Tomato Porn

If you grow things, has this ever happened to you?

You step into the garden with your harvest basket under arm, humming contentedly, only to discover your tomatoes are... unusually enthusiastic to see you.
Maybe this is perfectly normal in the Solanaceae family. Perhaps after weeks of careful watering, mulching, fertilizing, and whispering encouraging words, this is simply how tomatoes express affection.
Still.
It can make harvesting just a little awkward.

This year's garden has produced a surprising number of exhibitionists. Apparently my tomato patch didn't get the memo about decorum. The San Marzanos have all the swagger of an Italian movie star. The Early Girls have developed reputations. Even the cherry tomatoes seem determined to photobomb the whole affair like giggling teenagers.
As gardeners, we're taught to expect blossom-end rot, hornworms, cracked fruit, and deer  with boundary issues.
​No one prepares you for... this

I don't know whether I should be flattered or concerned that so many of my tomatoes have chosen to express themselves so... enthusiastically.

Apparently my vegetable garden has mistaken itself for the produce aisle in a romance novel.

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If you think my tomatoes are scandalous, don't get me started on the zucchini!